The Big Bad Wolf
It was a cold winter’s night in southern Philadelphia. I hadn’t eaten in over 2 weeks as prey gets scarce this time of year when suddenly I heard the footsteps of a young girl. She was dressed in a full red cloak with a skirt that seemed rather unsuited to the cold environment she was in. My immediate instinct was to kill and devour her right here, no questions asked but then a thought occurred. Where was she going with those sweets?
I decided to talk to her and find out where she was going, luckily for me she was naïve and believed me to be a kind wolf. After some persuasion, I managed to find out that she was taking some sweets to her Gran. My stomach tingled at the mere thought of a meal that big, after all; I enjoyed eating sweets, but I loved eating people.
I made a quick excuse and left the girl in the forest, I sent her on a longer path to her grans saying it was a shortcut so I would have more time to prepare my trap. I then hastened to the house and knocked on the door lightly, as a little girl would. Gran had clearly just woken up and was a bit delirious, with a little convincing and a terribly put on voice of a little girl I convinced her to unlock the door; then the feast began.
I gobbled her up in one, then proceeded to dress myself as her using some clothes found in the wardrobe, they were snug but fit all the same. Pulling the cover up above my body and dimming the lights, I hoped to lure her close under the guise of her Gran and gobble her up as easily as the first. Although this is where things went wrong.
Red Riding Hood then arrived, she knocked 3 times on the door as her and her Gran had agreed on. I shouted that the door was open in my best Gran voice and hoped for the best, it was at this point I began to salivate over the thought of another tasty human; this one all the more succulent.
As she entered she asked me 3 questions,
“Oh Grandma, what big eyes you have?”
To which I replied, “All the better to see you with, my dear.”
After a moments pause, she then proceeded to ask the second.
“Oh Grandma, what big ears you have?”
To which I replied, “All the better to hear you with, my dear.”
At this point I think she began to realise just who I really was, the final question seemed rather pointless.
“Oh Grandma, what big teeth you have”
To which I replied, “All the better to… eat you with, my dear!”
She then proceeded the scream, to my detriment, as this attracted a local huntsman who had been hunting in the area. He burst through the door and sliced my belly open, letting the Grandma out. I managed to escape, but with my dignity no longer intact and my pride in shambles.